Quiet Wishes (Startled and Willow)

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  • #4986
    Feared
    Participant

    Startledcrow ~ WindClan Medicine Cat

    A week had gone by since this tomcat had personally laid eyes upon his mate, Nettlenose had been keeping him very busy and now that she was out and about with Wolfstar visiting the other Clans he was even busier then usual as he was the Clan’s only medicine cat. Slowly a deep sigh left the toms throat, his vocal cords constricting with irritation as a young apprentice was complaining of a thorn being stuck within her paw, although his bright aqua blue eyes were peering towards the paw pad that bore no thorn. Slowly his eyes lifted towards Wheatpaw’s pale green, clearly she simply wanted out of training but he was in no mood to play along with her little game. Forcing a sweet smile upon his dark lips, he slowly allowed a small snort to pass through his nostrils. “Mhm. Well it must have stayed within the ground. Because there’s nothing there.” He growled with a lash of his long and dark furred tail. “Wheatpaw, stop wasting my time and return to your training.” Startledcrow spoke in a stern voice, pupils narrowing with irritation as he watched the small cream and white colored she-cat sulk her way out of his den. “Apprentices.” He grumbled Under his breath and breathed in deeply while closing his eyes. Not seeing his mate and kits had put him on edge, everyone kept talking about how beautiful the kits were but they were more fascinated that they were Wolfstar’s grandchildren. “Yes.. but they are from my blood.” He whispered lowly under his breath, opening his eyes as his one bright blue eye and milky blue eye stared out of the den, right at the nursery den.

    Glancing up towards the sky, he could tell that it was late in the evening, the sky was still blue but the clouds were low and the sun was half way across the sky. Evening patrols should already be sent out.. He spoke softly within his mind, nodding slowly as he convinced himself that no one would think anything about him visiting Willowfur and their kits. Nodding once, he stood up as he pushed himself outside of the den, his dark grey and black striped pelt ruffled from both the cold and the feeling of pale sunlight seeping through his pelt. She won’t be too mad… of course she will, rabbit dung. He chastised himself, his paws suddenly feeling heavy as he padded towards the nursery den, sweet scenes of milk tickling his scents glands as he hesitated, ears standing upright as he listened for the rowdy sounds of Goldenrose’s kits. Luckily he didn’t hear anything as he edged closer and peered through the shadows, noticing that both Goldenrose and her kits were not in the nursery. “Good..” He breathed silently under his breath before he silently walked into the nursery.

    Breathing in deeply he followed his nose towards Willowfur’s nest, she had pushed it further back from the entrance of the den because of the cold breezes that could make their way into the den. Blinking slowly his eyes began to adjust to shadows of the den as he nervously edged closer to the nest of his mate. Willowfur had her head down, while their two small kits were curled up against the dark ginger fur of his mate. He wasn’t sure if Willowfur was sleeping or not but he wouldn’t wake her up, he knew being a new mother was taking its toll on Willowfur. Bright blue eyes gazed down upon the dark grey fur of Stormkit as she leaned her head against the creamy pelt of her brother, Desertkit. They were so small and so perfect as he gazed down upon his kits. His perfect little kits that would never know they were truly his children. But it didn’t matter. They were healthy and would be loved so dearly between Willowfur and EveningStorm. His older brother just couldn’t get enough of the darlings. Slowly he rested down on his rump, simply looking down with a soft gaze as he watched Stormkit and Desertkit rest with their mother.

    #4993
    Wolfstar
    Participant

    Adderkit! Adderkit, wait for me!

    Willowfur’s dreams were of their lost kit, his brown tabby pelt running ahead out of her reach in the moors. His long tail waved as if trying to tell her to hurry and catch up to him, but her paws couldn’t move any faster. Her chest heaved with each breath, green eyes wide with desire to get to his side, but she couldn’t. Instead, he dived towards a gorse bush, disappearing in its green leaves and spindly branches, the yellow flowers quivering as if frightened by the disturbance. Willowfur poked her head through them, ignoring their tickling on both her flanks. She was able to see Adderkit’s tail tip, and her leg muscles bunched to follow after him, but the moors and bush faded from her sight, and her muscles could no longer move. Adderkit was nowhere to be found, and she wanted to open her mouth to call out to him again, but the darkness took over all around her, sending her to a place that reminded her everyday of the loss of her son: reality.

    The nursery came into view as Willowfur’s green eyes opened. Since she was in the very back of the den, she was able to see whomever was inside which seemed to be no one at this time. A sigh escaped through her nostrils, the want to close her eyes and see Adderkit one more time so strong. He never lived long enough for her to know what his eye color was, and she never knew in her dreams either. He was always running away from her. The ginger queen looked down at her two living kits sleeping beside her belly, their tiny bodies clinging to one another and pressing against her for comfort. They would never know Adderkit either. Do you two remember growing with him in my belly? Despite wishing that were true, she knew it wasn’t. She couldn’t recollect memories from being a kit until around four moons old. 

    Relieved the kits were still sound asleep, Willowfur rested her head on her front paws, closing her eyes once more. She prayed to StarClan she would have the same dream of chasing Adderkit. Even though it was almost torture to never reach her kit, at least she got to see a little bit of him. However, the sound of someone padding in the nursery disturbed her, but she kept her eyes closed. The last thing she wanted was another one of her Clanmates coming in with the phrases, “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “it will get better with time”. She hated all of them. So, she chose to act as if she were sleeping, knowing they would leave so they wouldn’t wake her.

    But then a familiar and herby scent flowed through her nostrils, and she forced herself not to open her eyes and press herself against the cat it belonged to. She waited a few moments, wondering if he would leave as well. But his scent was still strong. Willowfur blinked open her eyes and lifted her head to look up at Startledcrow. His attention was on their two sleeping kits by her belly, the look on his face identical to the look of every new father. She stared at him. Part of her wanted to forgive him immediately for not coming to see her much, but the other part of her didn’t want to spend the one time she did see him arguing. “Hi,” she simply said, her voice soft and needy. “You’re here.” Did he miss Adderkit as much as she? Did he grieve? 

    Does he blame me?

    #4997
    Feared
    Participant

    Startledcrow ~ WindClan Medicine Cat

    He was silent as he stared down at his kits, impressed with how small and yet strong they both were. Although, he wasn’t too blind to the fact that there was a missing spot beside Willowfur’s stomach. A rough sigh slipped past his lips as he thought of the still born son he had cursed Willowfur with, his tabby fur had been gorgeous and honestly it reminded him so much of Thistleheart. Take care, of our Adderkit. He silently prayed to his brother, chin tilting for a moment before he felt his skin crawl and his nerves jump as he heard the sudden voice of Willowfur. When had she woken up? Grunting as he cleared his throat as his blue eyes flickered over her beautiful face. She seemed fatigued and a little rattled as she looked to him but nonetheless just as beautiful. “Hey..” He whispered softly for a moment before he scooted closer towards his mate. He hated the way she said it. You’re here. As if she had questioned if he would ever show up. 

    “I’m here.” He meowed softly and gently, noting the neediness in her voice as he slowly stood up and moved closer to her. He was unsure of exactly what to say, she had taken the blow to their stillborn kit the hardest. He sat down slowly to where he was now sitting closer to her face while licking his lips for a moment. “How are you?” He asked in a soft voice, lowering his head as he leaned down and gently rasped his tongue over her ears. Startledcrow did feel a bit guilty about not coming to see her sooner but he had been a bit overwhelmed with his duties without Nettlenose around. Slowly he moved his body to where he was now lying down on his stomach, watching her curiously. “Have you eaten yet today..?” Startledcrow inquired, looking towards her flank before he looked back towards her face worriedly. Had she been eating regularly? 

    #5018
    Wolfstar
    Participant

    His voice was soft and loving, but she could hear the slight lace of hesitation, his eyes betraying that he too felt said and guilty. At least she wasn’t alone. Eveningstorm was not the true father, not feeling the total blow of having a stillborn. Instead, he only felt the joy of being able to father two kits. They weren’t his, but he had told her when they were born that he will treat them like they were of his blood. Willowfur and Startledcrow were lucky to have Eveningstorm help cover for them. The ginger queen looked down at the two kits curled beside her, their small bellies lifting up and down in tiny breaths. Thankfully, it was warm in the nursery, and even warmer cuddled in her fur. Willowfur’s green eyes closed as Startledcrow rasped his tongue over her ears, still struggling with wondering if she should be angry or not. Hadn’t she known this was going to happen? They had to pretend they weren’t mates, and that meant not seeing each other as much. I don’t want to waste any time we have full of anger. Just like that, she let go of the annoyance towards him, and instead leaned closer and rest her head on one of his forelegs as he continued to rasp his tongue over her. “I’m doing okay,” she whispered.

    When Startledcrow shifted to lay beside her, she lifted her head and shrugged her shoulders. “I didn’t eat too much,” she confessed. “I haven’t been that hungry lately. I’ve been snappy at everyone who pads in so they don’t bring me food often, and I’m too tired to get up and get it myself.” Her ears flattened to her head, knowing Startledcrow was going to reprimand her for it. She knew she needed to take care of herself for her two living kits, but it was so hard when she felt like half of her heart was up in StarClan. 

    Their one she-kit moved against Willowfur’s belly, her mouth opening in a yawn and short legs reaching for the ceiling of the den in a big stretch. A quiet squeal escaped Stormkit before she settled back to Desertkit, her head on top of his neck. Soon, the kits would open their eyes and reveal their colors. If Stormkit had Startledcrow’s eyes as well, would their Clanmates know they were lying about the father? Willowfur looked up at her mate. “I promise I’ll do better at eating and drinking. I don’t want to leave these kits without a mother. They’ve already…lost a brother.” 

    #5020
    Feared
    Participant

    Startledcrow ~ WindClan Medicine Cat

    He could sense that Willowfur was both weak and exhausted with becoming a full time mother to two newborns and the mother of a stillborn. Every time he thought of his stillborn son his heart lurched up towards his throat, threatening to choke him out of his guilt. Did she blame him and his status within the clan for giving them a stillborn kit? Honestly, he was too terrified to find out, he could bare the thought of Willowfur fully blaming him for the death of their son. As she placed her head against his foreleg, he felt the breath that he had been holding release in a small sigh of relief, his tongue continuing to gently rasp over her ears and the top of her crown in soothing strokes. A fool someone would have to be if they couldn’t feel the depression that came off of Willowfur in waves. Upon hearing that his mate wasn’t eating much, he honestly wasn’t too surprised upon hearing this, ears laying flat against his head for a moment as he did have half a mind to reprimand her, but the look she held upon her face was both troubling and expected. She felt the emptiness of the kit they lost, and her body was physically too weak to allow her to get up and move around too much.

    No one has been bringing her food? He thought angrily, although he supposed he couldn’t blame anyone seeing as he hadn’t brought her anything to eat as well. Slowly he released a long and deep sigh, unsure of what to say before his mate looked away from their kits as she promised to be a better mother to their kits, causing his eyebrows to furrow. She’s expecting me to snap at her as her medicine cat.. He realizes, his one good eye searching her face silently for a moment before he leaned in and gently pressed his forehead against her own. Not giving a care to the world. “I haven’t eaten much either.” He admitted in a small voice, his long tail gently resting against the edge of her spine. “I keep seeing his little face when I buried him. I… I keep blaming myself for his death. Perhaps StarClan was wanting to punish us for having kits without the approval of the clan.” He whispered softly as his nostrils flared to take in her scent, it always calmed him down. “I hate seeing you so broken, knowing it was my fault.” He whispered as he lifted his forehead off of her own and stared her in the eye. “Willowfur, you never have to assure me that you’ll be a great mother. You already are.” He smiled, looking down at his kits as he watched Stormkit and Desertkit sleep, a sad smile reaching his lips. “I can only hope I can be half as good as a mate and father to you all.” He whispered, ears laying flat.

    #5047
    Wolfstar
    Participant

    Willowfur almost winced in preparation of being reprimanded, but she was surprised at the sudden soft touch of his forehead pressing against hers, confessing he hadn’t eaten much either. The queen wanted to break down, let out all of her hurt and frustration and pain. She had been snappy because she didn’t believe anyone understood her, but how could she forget her one and only love went through the same thing she did? He not only had a stillborn, but he had buried Adderkit: something she would never have been able to do. The thought of their kit buried underneath the dirt with the rest of their dead ancestors made her want to scream and run away, never to return. “It wasn’t your fault, Startledcrow,” she whispered, her voice wavering from sadness. “It wasn’t my fault either. I have to be honest and say I thought it was a punishment from StarClan as well, but… I truly don’t believe StarClan would punish a kit for our sins. That’s too cruel.” 

    Her grass-green eyes followed him as he lifted his forehead away from hers, his expression clear and loving, a smile forming on his muzzle. Despite the pain they were going through, it was good to see him smile. It gave her comfort. She couldn’t help but reciprocate, the edges of her lips lifting slowly. Her ear tips warmed and she looked down at Desertkit and Stormkit with love she never knew she could have. “Thank you, Startledcrow,” she said. “You are an amazing mate and you will be an amazing father.” Even though their kits wouldn’t know he was the father, she had a feeling they would have a connection with Startledcrow that they would never have with Eveningstorm. “I’m excited for them to finally open their eyes. I hope they’re blue like yours. And I love that Stormkit is almost an exact copy of you.” For the first time since the birth, she let out a rumbling purr, pressing her nose against Stormkit’s head before moving to Deserkit’s. 

    #5051
    Feared
    Participant

    Startledcrow ~ WindClan Medicine Cat

    He listened silently as his mate spoke softly, his ears dropping back against his head as his bright blue gaze continued to watch her expression. She was clearly upset but apparently seeing him upset had flipped a switch within his mate. She was comforting him, which only caused his smile to be that much sweeter as he gave her a gentle nod. Startledcrow could never be the claimed father of Stormkit and Desertkit but he would always be there, watching and guiding his kits in any way that he possibly could. Clearing his throat he licked her cheek before she looked down at their kits, her vibrant green eyes soft and loving as she took in the sight of their two young ones. Slowly he looked away from the magnificent sight of his mate, looking down at his daughter and son as he observed the small kits.

    Honestly, it was so strange looking upon Stormkit, her pelt was practically identical to his own. As much as he loved that, it only made him appreciate that Eveningstorm was acting as their father, giving an excuse to their startling resemblance. “Great StarClan, I hope they both have your eyes. If Stormkit has my eyes, there will be no saving us.” He chuckled softly, watching as Willowfur leaned down to place her nose against Stormkit and then Dersertkit. His ears stood upright as he caught the sound of a soft purr, which caused his smile to broaden. Finally, he had been able to strengthen her mind emotionally to see what she had in front of her. Their two little miracles. “Desertkit has an interesting pelt. It’s like a cream color but… sometimes it looks like a dusty grey.” He mused, his long tail gently running along the length of his son. The perfect mixture of both his parents. “Green eyes would look lovely on him.” He whispered softly.

    #5073
    Wolfstar
    Participant

    Willowfur watched Startledcrow’s tail running along Desertkit’s flank so lovingly, her heart filling with joy. They needed to make these moments last. As soon as their two kits opened their eyes and were old enough to start understanding the world, he would no longer be able to love on them like he was now. Deserkit and Stormkit would start asking questions, wondering why the grumpiest medicine cat in the Clan treated them like they could do no wrong. “He does have a very interesting pelt. I wonder what it will look like when he’s older or when he’s in the sun. He’ll be attracting all the she-cat’s for sure.” Her whiskers twitched with amusement. 

    Suddenly, an image of Adderkit popped up in her mind and she frowned. “Adderkit had a beautiful brown tabby coat. I have no idea where he got that color, but it would have fit in with these two.” She nodded towards her living kits. “Three separate coats aren’t that common in a litter. The only one of my siblings who looks different is Pinechaser and he has dark brown fur.” Adderkit would have been a great addition to their family colors. She was quite happy she had fallen in love with a tom who looked different than everyone else in her family. It was definitely like Willowfur to want to be different and stand out. She looked up into Startledcrow’s one clear eye and hazy eye. “Only six more moons, my love, and then we can be free from secrets. However, I’m a little nervous on how it will affect our kits…They might think I’m tearing their family apart not being with Eveningstorm. We’re going to have to plan it in a way that will hurt them the least…

    #5076
    Feared
    Participant

    Startledcrow ~ WindClan Medicine Cat

    A soft laugh bubbled from his lips for a moment when his mate mentioned that Desertkit would be swarmed by the mollies. “You do have a point there, he is a rather handsome devil.” He snickered, giving her a flirtatious wink before he looked down at his son. Long tail tenderly stroking his spine, he would only be able to show such tenderness to these young ones while their eyes were closed and they were unaware. “I bet his pelt will look like the desert.” He spoke softly, the tone of his voice thoughtful and yet wistful. Startledcrow blinked himself out of the daze he had currently been in when Willowfur mentioned their deceased son, eyes flickering towards her face cautiously as he noticed the frown that dusted her lips. “Adderkit did have a very beautiful pelt… honestly it reminded me of…” For whatever reason the name wouldn’t leave his lips, throat contrasting with emotion before he gave an awkward half laugh and grin. “Anyways… I’m interested to see how our next litter turns out.” He teased and ran his tongue over her cheek, but silently he was being truthfully honest. If Willowfur ever wanted another litter, he would happily oblige. Being a father… this feeling within his chest was addicting.

    He blinked slowly for a moment as she looked him in the eyes, his heart warming as she was one of the rarities in his life that would do so. Hearing her words caused him to purr, leaning forwards as he pressed his nose against the side of her and breathed in heavily. “When that time comes, you are mine and I will make it known. Damn them all.” He whispered softly for a moment, listening to her silently. “They will probably hate me..” He agreed but he was willing to take that risk as he looked at Willowfur. “And that’s okay.. but I would have you.” He smiled.

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