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Silverscreech’s Regrets (SilverxFeared)(Returning from Hiatus)

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  • #8232
    Silverscreech
    Participant

    Laying at the far end of the camp clearing, a fluffy silver grey striped she-cat rested with her head on her paws, yellow piercing eyes gazing out among the territory. Her mind was elsewhere. No longer paying attention to her surroundings, she dwelled and seethed at the thought of what had happened in her absence since she left shadowclan for a few Moons. To find her mate FearedJackal had been with another cat…no scratch that, worse, a loner… (Though she once was one. Ah the irony.) had deeply stung her. She had been back in shadowclan for about 4 or 5 moons now. Her kits about 2 moons away to being a year old. A moon after giving birth to them, she had left quietly in the middle of the night with no explanation, leaving the care of her kits to FearedJackal alone and the queens to help look after them. Silverscreech  wished she hadn’t run off when she did. However after a moon of being stuck in the nursery and doubting herself she would be a good mother towards her kits, especially considering her family’s history, she figured leaving them behind was the best option.

    She was positive she wasnt but out to he a parent. She did love them, and FearedJackal, but she wasnt sure she would be a good role model for them in their upbringing. But 4 moons later she came to her senses and returned to shadowclan after a run in with another cat outside the clans who wasnt much different from her before she had joined the clans. Somewhat a similar background of her own, happily raising a couple of kits with her mate. Truth be told the she-cat had made Silverscreech realize what she had done was wrong leaving them behind and that she shouldn’t hold back caring for her kits just because of her fears. As much as she hated to admit it to herself…it was cowardly of her to do what she did. Now she had to reap the consequences of her actions.

    Her kits hated the fact she left them and their dad in the first place. So she wasnt close to them and had missed out on seeing them grow up those few Moons. FearedJackal was just as mad about that as well. And then Hornetstar was mad at Silverscreech’s choices she had made, but he moved past it and let her back in the clan. She might of left…but she didnt do anything seriously wrong that would permit her to be permanently banished. Unlike her father. AND now she had found out recently that FearedJackal had 2 kits with another she-cat!!!

    Her tail twitched every so often as she silently but irritatingly tried processing all this information. Would she even continue considering being FearedJackal’s mate after what he had done? She wasn’t so sure.

    #8252
    Feared
    Participant

    Fearedjackal ~ ShadowClan Warrior

    Blackleopard had not been very pleased with him with the sudden appearance of Briar and Smoke, but they were his and he would not deny it. His deep blue-grey eyes flickered towards the apprentice den of where his youngest children now lay to rest and fill their bellies of prey for the time being. From the corner of his eyes he could see the silver and white tabby figure of Silverscreech as she glared in his direction but he was doing his best to ignore her. Of course he had been in the wrong for mating with a she-cat shortly after she had left but in his time of grieving he hadn’t really been using his brain. The interaction between himself and this other female had meant literally nothing to him, no more than a one night stand that had resulted in a litter of kittens. Briarpaw had his attitude and his aggression, her facial structure was slim and feminine but they resembled each other in ways. Now Smokepaw was definitely Fearedjackal’s son, the young male had obvious differences in his eyes and tail, but his pelt and face were all Feared. Where FearedJackal was completely black except for the gray patch on his chin, Smokepaw had grey and black mixed into his pelt, reminding him of his daughter, Widowpaw.

    Because of the urging he had received from his mother, this was the only reason he was approaching Silverscreech, at least that’s what he was telling himself. To him they were no longer mates the moment she left him with newborns, but his heart was still unfortunately tender for her. FearedJackal was a tall and muscular tomcat, his fur was short but had a sheen to it, his muscles evident under the dark coat, he worked hard to stay fit for the Warrior life. His facial expression was mute, hardly registering any emotion as he looked towards Silverscreech, prowling towards her with slight irritation to her facial expression. “There’s no use in moping.” Fearedjackal’s deep and smooth voice filtered out as he gazed down at the molly, now standing over her with a slight scowl now taking place on his lips. “Have you eaten yet this morning?” He decided to ask, momentarily taking the subject off of his new found kits.

    #8254
    Silverscreech
    Participant

    There’s no use in moping. Silverscreech narrowed her yellow gaze at him and huffed. “Say that again, I dare you.” She thought. She honestly wanted to claw him in the face for that but figured what was the point? It wasnt gonna benefit her in any way. But he was right, why was she moping? What was done was done. Silver had to move on. But she also found it hard to do so when it made her heart ache just seeing FearedJackal’s 2 other kits running around the camp. She shook her head in response to his question. “No.” She replied lowly. This was probably the first time in weeks the two had spoken to each other since their last argument. Silverscreech wasn’t sure whether to be happy about it, or annoyed. The clan sure had a show however.

    Did she still love FearedJackal? Of course she did! She always had. But moving on from what happened was harder for her then it sounded. And Silverscreech knew it must of been hard for FearedJackal to move on in their relationship. Or whatever was possibly left of one anyway. She did treat him and their 4 kits terribly those moons ago. So it came to no surprise he was angry with her still. And vise versa. She needed to try and accept the facts.

    Briefly she closed her eyes and sighed before forcing herself into a sitting position. Wrapping her silver grey fluffy tail around her paws, she held her head high trying to hide her pain. However FearedJackal could read her well. He wasn’t stupid. …Much anyway. (Lol. Jk Feared.) “What about you? I’m guessing you might of eaten already before going out on patrol?” She asked calmly.

    #8255
    Feared
    Participant

    Fearedjackal ~ ShadowClan Warrior

     

    The energy between the two warriors was deadly and toxic, both of them glaring at one another for their own personal reasons. Silverscreech was beyond angry and sick to her stomach that he had even laid with another she-cat but honestly he didn’t care much for her opinion, it was not needed. Fearedjackal was riddled with anxiety and annoyance from her constant game of playing mate and mother and then the next she was running off to be a loner once more. What room did she have to judge him? The only smart thing she was doing was not bringing up Briarpaw and Smokepaw, his pupils narrowing faintly as he looked down into her silver and white striped face. Now that she was sitting upright and he could look into her beautiful face more clarity, he could tell that she was tired and if not just a bit anxious since they were now attempting at holding a conversation. He might’ve been a fool to lay with another she-cat but he could easily see the pain that tainted her scorching yellow gaze as she stared up at him, feeling slight satisfaction that he could cause her even just an ounce of the pain she had caused him and their young kits. Left ear twitched for a moment as she explained that she was brushing off the subject of whether she had eaten anything or not, kitty brow lifting slightly for a brief moment before he cleared his throat. “That all depends on your answer.” He responded in a gruff tone, eyes narrowing faintly as he moved to where his left side was more so facing her.

     

    “If you are interested in a meal, then we can go for a hunt and I’ll answer your questions.” He hesitated as his deep blue eyes turned back towards Silverscreech, his lips curling slightly with agitation. “I’m only doing this because my mother asked it of me, if it were up to me I wouldn’t owe you a damn thing.” Fearedjackal growled, the malice in his tone as he glared back at the silver tabby. He wanted it to be clear that she owed Blackleopard the acknowledgment that she deserved, she clearly still cared for Silverscreech, but he was not so sure about himself. Tail tip twitching slightly as he finally turned his chin away from her, his eyes glaring out at the gnarled entrance and exit of the camp, smirking faintly as the massive tomcat began to walk forward. “Join me or don’t. Your call.” Fearedjackal said over his shoulder blade, the fur along his scruff was ruffled from the interaction with the Molly. He wasn’t satisfied to be talking with her, but he owed it to his mother and perhaps he did owe Silverscreech a slight explanation but he refused to regret his interaction with Chestnut, she had given him two beautiful kits that had now joined ShadowClan with their father giving them proper names. Grunting, the massive black furred tom quietly walked out of camp, eyes narrowing slightly and his pelt blending in with the shadows as he prowled.

     

     

    #8256
    Silverscreech
    Participant

    I’m only doing this because my mother asked it of me, if it were up to me I wouldn’t owe you a damn thing. Stunned. Silverscreech ears lay flat against her head, yellow eyes wide in shock. Those words hit harder to the grey striped she-cat more then anything  ever said coming from the sleek black warrior. If words could cool off a hot day in Greenleaf, that comment would of been it. Well what did you expect? A warm welcome? At least BlackLeopard still likes you.” she silently told herself.

    Her heart felt heavy at the cold blue gaze FearedJackal cast upon her as he began trudging away towards the camp entrance. “To eat, or not to eat? That is the question now…isn’t it?” She didn’t notice the smirk on his face due to her mind still registering from his reply. Her stomach growled causing her to come back to her senses. She shouldn’t have skipped breakfast that morning. Then again, if she hadn’t,  she probably wouldnt of been able to go out hunting with the Shadowclan warrior. “I guess we eat.” Quickly she followed behind FearedJackal. However she did give him some space as they began their hunting expedition. The last thing she wanted was tailgating him and pushing his anger more to the surface. And she did want answers to how he ended up with 2 other kits.

    “So? How did it happen?” She asked unemotionally. Honestly she wanted to be saying it angrily at him or at least with a sarcastic tone. She hated holding back, but if she didn’t, then FearedJackal for sure wouldn’t say anything about the matter. And worse it would just cause more friction between the two. Silverscreech already had a reputation for having a sharp tounge, and or being a instigator in most of their arguments. But she was trying hard to keep herself in line for answers. “How long until you…” she couldn’t finish her sentence. Moved on to someone else in my absence? Come on just say it!” She shook her head. Silverscreech didn’t want to admit that FearedJackal moved on. At least that’s the way it seemed in her eyes. “Nevermind.” She turned her head away looking in the opposite direction, ears twitching at the slight sound of prey rustling not far from them. She turned her head away mainly to try and avoid him asking her to finish her sentence, and two, she was really wanting to hunt something. Anything to release her tension.

    #8257
    Feared
    Participant

    Fearedjackal ~ ShadowClan Warrior

     

    He was half paying attention to what was going on, the soft pitter patter of squirrels running along the pine needle forest floor had gone unnoticed by the large tomcat, all he could focus on was the fact that Silverscreech was now walking along side him. Luckily she was standing to his left, or else he probably wouldn’t have heard her question. Her voice was monotone but when he took a chance and glanced over at her, her eyes told a different tale. Fearedjackal hesitated for only a brief moment as his deep blue eyes were flickering around the tall dark pine trees that towered over the both of them, casting strange shadows from the angle of the afternoon sun. Finally his rubbery black lips parted for an exhausted sigh to slip from his lips, he knew exactly what she was asking and found himself shrugging his right shoulder blade. “I suppose.. almost a moon after you had disappeared.” He slowly meowed, his blue eyes clouded with thought as he figured out the age of his two new kits. “Before you ask, their mother meant nothing to me. I just happened to be in the right place at the time when she was in heat, one thing led to another and I ended up with surprise kittens.” Fearedjackal explained with a nonchalant voice, the tip of his tail twitching slightly with thought as he slowly drew his tongue over his canines. “I’m not exactly proud of it, but I can tell they are mine and I will not disown them.” He explained after a moments pause, turning his chin to look at her before he forced himself to look away.

     

    “I suppose why we are on the topic of talking out our problems. How long do you expect to be staying in ShadowClan?” He questioned, keeping his chin pointed away from her but he wasn’t truly hunting, he was merely walking forth and concentrating on the conversation at hand. Finally he paused and turned his body fully towards Silverscreech, his expression pained and angered. “Why did you even come back? You would’ve known that I wouldn’t accept you right away, yes?” He commented, brows furrowed over his dark eyes, tail lashing out behind him with fury. “You have made things so damn confusing for the kits. Harpypaw doesn’t know what to think with your reappearance and Widowpaw is completely against you.” He muttered thoughtfully, his eyes dropping to glare daggers at the forest floor. “Hell, I’m not even sure how I feel about you anymore. You left me with these small and defenseless kittens that another queen had to nurse… I searched for days for you at the border.” Fearedjackal admitted, his dark eyes finally lifting to glare cautiously at her. “Why didn’t you talk to me? Was I not your mate..? Was I not at least worth staying for?” Fearedjackal’s voice lowered to a soft whisper, his one good ear dropping back against his cranium as he gave a small sigh.

    #8258
    Silverscreech
    Participant

    A part of Silverscreech was relieved that FearedJackal hadn’t moved on after all. As for him keeping the kits, she never thought he would abandon them to begin with anyway…unlike she did. And if she even tried to convince him of the thought, surely there would be no hope in mending things with him. So she had to learn to deal with the fact they were staying in the clan as well. His question didn’t come to her as much of a surprise. However she did feel on the defensive. Her fur ruffled as she stated her answer. “I plan on staying in shadowclan for the rest of my life. This is my home too you know! I wasn’t always a loner. I was born here. So I have my right to stay as much as anyone else.” She retorted. “And as for why I came back is because I knew I had too! I have wrongs to make right! Yes, what I did was wrong, but I had a very good reason for it!!! And no, I didn’t think you would accept me back right away! But I came back, and that’s what matters! Doesn’t it?!? “ She added angrily. Her piercing yellow gaze bore into his blue ones before starting to pace. If she didn’t move a bit, she would of lost it and taken her anger out on FearedJackal physically.

    “Or you thought it was a good reason at the time. Can you really say that now?” Her own thoughts scolded her.

    The silver gray and she-cat felt like her paws were made of led as she paced about trying to stay as composed as possible.  “Yes I’m well aware my leaving shadowclan would leave them with confusion and questions as they got older…as well as you. And I’m not surprised they might be harboring anger towards me too.” Silverscreech stopped pacing and stared down at her paws with a sigh. “If if makes you feel any better…” she looked up at him sadly. “I hate myself too.” She wanted to cry but held it back. “No. This is no time for crying like a kit!”

    However seeing FearedJackal’s own sadness reflecting back at her made tears start to slowly run down her face. She could imagine easily him searching for her. He had done it before shortly after they first met. Yes. And she wasn’t living in shadowclan yet at the time. She should have stayed. If not for the kits then at least for him. But no. She thought it was better for her to just distance herself from them all. “I wanted to stay…and I didn’t want to leave you or our kits…” she hesitated at first but continued on. Slowly she closed distance between them. Silverscreech stepped forward and stopped just a couple whiskers away from him. “I was afraid. Afraid to talk to you about or anyone else for that matter what was bothering me. I thought not telling you would also make it easier for me to leave. Otherwise I would have stayed. It might not make sense to you, but it did to me at the time.” She closed her eyes while her head hung low. “I was a coward ok!? I admit that! But I realize running away only made it worse. I should have talked to you from the beginning. And because of my decisions, I never got to see them grow up. They don’t even know me except as the stranger who abandoned them! And on top of that…” As she looked upon the black warrior, she felt more pain just knowing she had broken his heart in the process over thr Moons she had been gone. “It seems like I lost you too.”

    #8309
    Feared
    Participant

    Fearedjackal ~ ShadowClan Warrior

    He knew he was glaring at her and he knew he wasn’t giving her a fair chance but she had hurt him deeply and he wasn’t letting that go easily. FearedJackal scoffed and rolled his dark blue eyes out of irritation at her retort, his black nostrils flaring out of anger. “Well how would I have known? You ran out on me before and ShadowClan was presumably your home then too.” He growled, ears flat against his head and long tail fluffed out to express his aggressiveness to the situation, his pupils slits as he watched her. She knew she had wrongs… but he had to admit that she did come back and that… that did matter right? Looking away from her it seemed like he couldn’t argue with that logic, his feathery black whiskers drawn back towards his face as gave a bush a rather annoyed glare. What more could he say to that? Welcome back, glad you realized your mistake? Screw that.

    Slowly his eyes flickered back towards the pacing silver and white tabby she-cat as she found herself annoyed with this argument but she knew he needed an explanation. He tried to glare, he tried so hard to keep the ice in his eyes and the stone around his heart as her facial expression became pained and her eyes narrowed with guilt. Don’t do it… back off… He thought to himself but he couldn’t bring himself to hate her. Hell she hated herself. “I don’t… hate you..” His nose scrunched up as he looked away from her, he knew he didn’t hate her but he really wished that he did. Hearing the emotion in her voice bothered him, causing his ears to fall back against his head and his tail to lower. He was looking down at the ground, his eyelids lowered over his eyes to give a saddened and weak expression as she spoke, causing him to flinch as he could hear how weak and hurt she sounded.

    Very slowly he lifted his gaze towards the she-cat, noticing for the first time that tears were free falling down her cheeks and staining the fur flat. He didn’t want her to cry, right..? As she began to close the distance between them, he felt himself take a hesitant step backwards but it was only one step back, pupils narrowing faintly. He listened to her silently but his heart was beating wildly in his chest from the close proximity, feeling his throat tighten with emotion. “I was your mate. I was supposed to be the one cat you could’ve talked to. What doubts did you even have?” He asked in a soft voice, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he looked at the female cat, the tip of his tail twitching with anxiety. Had she lost him? He wasn’t so sure about that but he was too damn stubborn to recognize the fact that he still loved her despite his hurt. “I… I don’t know if you have lost me. I … I don’t know what to think, Silverscreech.” He sighed heavily and finally dropped his forehead to place it on hers, the first time he had really touched her since her return. Closing his eyes while his nostrils flared and breathed in her tender scent with his eyebrows furrowed again. “I just need time… my heart is just so confused, Silverscreech.” He whispered softly before he finally pulled back and opened his blue eyes, the fire dimmed. “You need to speak to the kits.. they are confused and angry.” He muttered, looking down at her with a small huff of his nose.

    #8327
    Silverscreech
    Participant

    Silverscreech fluffed out gray tail twitched in anger. The grey-white she-cat held her ground under her mates cold blue gaze. She knew FearedJackal was right. Shadowclan had been her home. And she did leave him once before. Honestly she felt like the dark warrior would lash out at her within any moment. With his tail fluffed and deep blue eyes narrowed, she was sure he was gonna claw her eyes out.
    “That was different! And I wasn’t even Shadowclan yet!” She replied defensively. It wasn’t much of argument, but she didn’t feel the need to explain herself on that reply since she really wasn’t sure yet the first time if she wanted to join Shadowclan.
    She paused and cautiously observed the black warrior, grey ears twitching slightly in disbelief at his soft words. Did he really just say he doesn’t hate me? This bothered her deeply. Silverscreech knew he SHOULD hate her. She treated him like mousedung. Yet he still cared. His body language alone told her that. FearedJackal could be cold and uninviting to most cats, but Silverscreech knew more about him then anyone else…except for BlackLeopard. He did have a soft side despite what act he put on in front of the rest of the clan. She was the same way. Although probably a bit more emotional. FearedJackal had his mind WAY more put together then she did. “You should hate me. I’ve treated you terribly.” She replied bluntly. Silverscreech was indeed putting her own guard down in front of the dark warrior. She didn’t care how vulnerable she felt in that moment.

     “I honestly don’t even know why you have put up with me for so long.” She mewed softly. Her ears lowered, feeling hot with shame. “I’m indecisive. Stubborn. A coward. I abandoned everyone and everything I ever cared about. And for what? For not telling you what was worrying me? For not facing my fears head on?” Silverscreech hesitated before continuing. “I’m not a good example of a shadowclan warrior…much less a mate…maybe Finchtail was right about me.” She wasn’t sure what he thought. But she knew for a fact she didn’t deserve him.

    The grey-white she-cat couldn’t see through the cascade of tears that clouded her vision as FearedJackal asked his question. What was it that she was having doubts about? “Quite a few actually.” She mewed lowly. Silverscreech closed her eyes to try and stop the stinging sensation from her tears. “My doubts about being a good mother. About ending up like my father…” Finally she was able to get off what she felt to her mate. Even though she didn’t realize it yet, her leaving made her no better a mother then if she just stayed in shadowclan to begin with. And she did kinda end up like her father by leaving her kits and her mate FearedJackal behind. Sadly if she just faced her fears to begin with, things probably wouldnt have been so messed up in her life. She felt a little bit of comfort from FearedJackal’s touch, feeling the warmth of his breath on her face. Silverscreech agreed with him needing time to think. He had a lot to take in, and she knew both of them weren’t exactly in a good place right now to just bounce back into where they left off in there relationship. “That’s fair.” Its not that they weren’t mates anymore, but neither of them were close either. So time apart to heal would of been good for them both. Although as he pulled back, Silverscreech’s stomach churned at the thought of facing their kits. FearedJackal’s demeanor changing so quickly from sad and solemn, to stern was a bit startling.

    Silverscreech gave a sigh as she looked away from the dark warrior. Her ears remained flat against her head as her yellow gaze met the ground. “I know…” she replied softly. “They deserve a explanation too. I’m just not sure if their gonna listen.” The grey-white she-cat could easily imagine being in there position. If she were her own kits, she would of ignored her all together and said there was no excuse for her leaving. And she still wasn’t sure how she was going to start the conversation.

    #8380
    Feared
    Participant

    Fearedjackal ~ ShadowClan Warrior

    Pupils narrowed with thought as he gazed down at his mate, chin tilting slightly as he slowly pressed his lips into a thin line. FearedJackal didn’t know what to think about this whole situation, his dark blue eyes watching the silver tabby she-cat as she felt sorry for herself. She was confused about all of this as well. Chin tilted as he slowly looked away from her as she mentioned that he should hate her, and he grunted slightly as he gave a very slow nod. Of course he knew that he should hate her, but he had such a soft spot in his heart for her that he felt his stomach churn with unease. “Unfortunately I can’t control who I love, even if she isn’t good for me.” FearedJackal commented sourly, obviously he wasn’t happy about the feelings he held for her but they were there. He let her think what she wanted, Finchtail had been right after all, but he was too stubborn to admit such a thing, his upper lip lifting in a slight sneer. “Then prove that old tom that he’s wrong. Prove to your mother that your an actual warrior of ShadowClan.” FearedJackal grumbled, his dark blue eyes roaming along her face.

    Long tail slowly swayed behind him in thought as he thought of his two daughters, Widowpaw and Dewpaw. They would not be happy, both of those she-cats were the sassiest things he had ever met. “Our kits will not be happy, that’s for sure.” He hesitated slightly before he began to slowly walk, not looking back to see if Silverscreech had followed him or not. “Widowpaw and Dewpaw are a lot like you in ways. Stubborn and they both have foul mouths. But I suppose in a way they are like me, the hold grudges.” FearedJackal smirked, paper-thin ears flattened against his head. “They aren’t very happy with me either, neither Widowpaw or Dewpaw have spoken to me in a few days since the arrival of Briarpaw and Smokepaw.” FearedJackal sighed heavily, he wasn’t the most affectionate father but he did care greatly for his children and to be ignored by even just two of his girls was hurtful but he was managing.

    #8397
    Silverscreech
    Participant

    ♡ Silverscreech of Shadowclan ♡

    There was hope. Ignoring the grumpy attitude, she now knew partly how he felt about her. That’s all that Silverscreech cared about. FearedJackal made it clear he was out for the long haul with her, despite how much he was hurting. However his comment also left her a bit urked. “I’m not good for you? Don’t let BlackLeopard hear you say that. She will say otherwise.” She thought irritably. Silverscreech stared at the ground as she avoided her mates deep blue gaze. It was true that she needed to prove to the clan, her ancestors and herself that she could be a good warrior. The only problem was, there was alot for her to work on. And no one improves overnight. A glint of determination shone in her yellow gaze as she looked up and nodded to the black warrior. “I will.” In the back of her mind she smiled at the thought of seeing Finchtail huffing in disgust at her for proving she was a loyal Shadowclan warrior. But Silverscreech most of all wanted to gain FearedJackal’s trust and favor again.

    FearedJackal’s mind seemed elsewhere before stating there daughter’s unhappiness on her staying. “Wouldn’t expect less.” She stated casually. Watching as her mate got up and started walking off, the silver-white tabby instantly fell in step on FearedJackal’s left side so she could be heard. Her peircing yellow gaze briefly looked at his missing ear curiously before staring straight on ahead of them. Silverscreech imagined two younger versions of herself driving FearedJackal crazy with there snarky attitudes. It was hard for Silverscreech to not burst out laughing, yet she held back. However it wasn’t funny once he mentioned them easily holding grudges. That was gonna make them forgiving her a whole lot harder. From a sideways glance she could see the uneasy smirk fall upon her mates facial features. To hear that Dewpaw and Widowpaw were both upset with there father as well was unsettling. “Well…your chances of them forgiving you are way higher then mine.” She replied.

    Silverscreech knew they would be mad at there father for a long while, but it would eventually pass. She was still kind of mad at FearedJackal herself. Yet she was trying to forgive him and move on. “If it helps, you can always just blame it on me. I did leave anyway. Although I dont think they will accept that excuse. …I think either way it’s just gonna take time for them to get past it. They will talk to you eventually.”

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