April 17, 2020 at 11:46 pm #6110RoachParticipant
Roachpaw ~Shadowclan Apprentice
Blinding hot pain scorched within him. It took everything within the dark tomcat to not cry out in pain, he felt disorientated as he could not fathom where he was at. Roach couldn’t remember passing out just outside of camp from shock and blood loss. His mind muddled with white searing pain to the point he couldn’t even comprehend why he was feeling this pain. No matter how much he wanted to open his eyes, to figure out what was going on. His body wouldn’t let him, he felt heavy, as if he was stuck in mud with no way out. The darkness—Roachpaw had never been one to be afraid of the darkness, but this was different. It was suffocating and deafening as he couldn’t hear or see anything around him. He was alone, a feeling he wasn’t use to anymore as he always had his best friend; Skunkpaw with him. The tall lanky obsidian tom just wanted the pain to end, as he would gladly embrace numbness compared to the continuous burning pain to his flesh. He tried so hard to think-to remember why he was in pain, why he couldn’t wake up. Yet all he drew up was a blank as he stumbles through the darkest parts of his mind, trying to find a way out.
What felt like hours later; his physical body began to stir. His paws twitching first before his features pulling into a grimace at the sharp stinging shooting from the left side of his face. Chest heaving as Roachpaw takes a deep breath, slowly he peels his eyes open. Yet; something was amiss. At first he thought his sight was just fuzzy from just awakening, but as he silently lays there to let his sight adjust. He soon learns that it wasn’t the case at all. His sight from his left eye was clouded, he could no longer differentiate between colors or shapes. All he could see was shadows if he moved a certain way in the light, otherwise it was dark. Panic spiking within him as he shoots up in a sitting position. Chest heaving as he tries to control his breathing, his breaths coming out in short gasps instead. Heart thundering painfully against his rib cage. Turning his cranium frantically side to side only to still in surprise.
His right sunflower yellow eye spots the normally anxious form of Hareflight. Confusion painting his features before flashes of a border battle slams into his memory. Hissing at the throbbing pain against his skull, staring at Hareflight for several moments as he collects his thoughts. “W-what…” his voices cracks from lack of use causing him to wince at the sound of his own voice. “What is wrong with my eye?” Worry seeping through his words as he watches Hareflight carefully, dreading for her answer as he knew it wasn’t good. What he couldn’t see that his left eye was no longer the bright sunflower yellow but now a clouded dull yellow decorated with scars running from the left side of his temple to his chin. Foxpaw certainly did a number on the obsidian apprentice.April 18, 2020 at 6:19 pm #6124Hareflight [Mel]Participant
Roachpaw had been in really rough shape when he’d first been brought to her den. At first, she almost couldn’t believe what she was seeing, but she didn’t have the time to hesitate. While he stumbled around in the darkness of his mind, Hareflight silently tended to his wounds, cleaning up the blood, mixing poultices, and making sure she hadn’t missed anything. He didn’t look well at all.. Hareflight was sure he would pull through, but the wounds ran right through his face, across his eye, and it looked deep enough that it would scar even with the calico molly putting her best efforts into it. After this was done, Hareflight left him in a bed of moss, tidying her herb stores from her rush to get him cleaned up.
It wasn’t much later when she caught movement out of the corner of her eye and glanced over to him, brows creased in concern for the apprentice. Her posture, which was usually hunched and anxious, was stiff but confident as she prepared to answer any questions he had. While he stared her way, she gathered a few poppy seeds to lay out in front of him. “For the pain,” she whispered, eyes scanning over his face. Now that he was awake, her suspicions about his eye had been confirmed, and she let out a light breath as he asked her about it.
Hareflight always tried to keep her patients from sensing her worry, but there wasn’t much help to it here. Hareflight sat back on her haunches – making sure to stay on his right side so he could see her – and tried to consider just how to word the dreadful news. “R-Roachpaw..” She hesitated again, shaking her head to restart her words. “Your wounds will heal for the most part, b-but you’ll have some scars a-along your face there.” The she-cat swallowed roughly, glancing at her paws before looking back up at him. “I know that.. it’ll be hard to- to hear, but the e-eyesight in your left eye… isn’t going to recover. As f-far as I can tell, the m-most likely situation wi-will be that your eyesight will stay like this. Th-there is the possibility that it c-could get worse, but it’s not l-likely.” Her ears folded back slightly as she watched his expression. “I’m really sorry, R-Roachpaw. I-I tried my best, but there w-wasn’t anything I could d-do to help it.” She stayed silent then, to let her words sink in and to give him an opportunity to express his emotions and to ask any other questions he might have. For the meantime, Hareflight was simply trying to keep her thoughts and energy focused on her patient, and not what else she should have done. Sometimes, you couldn’t fix it all, and that was a lesson she had to learn.April 18, 2020 at 9:30 pm #6130RoachParticipant
Roachpaw ~Shadowclan Apprentice
Even though his sight was no longer perfect, he could still easily tell by the way Hareflight carried herself that the news would not be good. He was already connecting the dots together as to what was wrong with his left eye. -He was blind- Roachpaw did not want to believe that he had truly lost sight in his left eye, but it made sense as to why he could no longer discern color or shape; just shadows. His heart skipping a beat in dread, a frown pulling at his lips as he glances downwards. Anger prickling within him as when he glances at his paws, he could only see half of what he would normally be able to see. The tall lanky tom felt disgusted with himself, how could he have let Foxpaw get too close to him? He had let Hornetstar’s unexpected death catch him off guard which in the end cost him. It was hard for Roachpaw to not feel self-hatred toward himself and appearance. He was just glad that he couldn’t see his reflection in that moment.
To be honest, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to ever look at himself the same way. Ears pulling tightly back against his skull as he began to feel self conscious; as he could only imagine how horrid the scars looked or how grotesque his eye appeared. He had almost forgotten the throbbing pain until Hare points to the poppy seeds. Clenching his jaw as he was never one to like taking medicine, hating the bitter taste. He could just hear Skunkpaw now, reprimanding him for his kittish behavior and telling him to take the medicine. Eyeing the seeds with a skeptical look before he slowly lowers his cranium, parting his lips as he grasps hold of the poppy seeds. Grimacing as he chews them slowly, definitely hating the bitterness that clings to his tongue. Finally swallowing the herb with a slight shake to his head, anxiety prickling within his paws as he shuffles side to side as a way to release the nervous energy.
Feeling silently grateful as the calico molly settles in his line of sight. Holding his breath as he listens tentatively to her, easily ignoring the permanent stutter in her voice, he had grown accustomed to it over the last few moons. A sharp intake of breath could be heard from him as his worse fears were confirmed. A tense silence consumes them for several moments as he absorbs her words. Suddenly laughter could be heard from him, his lean form shaking as he tries to reel in his uncontrollable laughter. “I-I’m sorry” his voice wavers as he laughs. During other circumstances his laugh would make others feel carefree and happy, but at this point it just showed how much he was breaking. Roachpaw wouldn’t be surprised if Hareflight was looking at him as if he was about to crack and have a mental breakdown any second.
Once he was able to control his manic laughter, he looks back at Hare. His chest heaving as he takes deep breaths to control himself, soft bubbles of laughter could be heard now and again as he shakes his head. “Of course” he mutters bitterly. The tip of his tail rattling as anger and self blame hits him; disbelief washing away as it was finally setting in that his sight would never be the same. “It’s not your fault…you did all you could. It’s—it’s my fault” Roachpaw adds with a cold laugh. He wished that he could hide his emotions, to pretend that everything would be fine, but the usually calm and snarky tom was having a hard time doing just that. Biting the inner part of his cheek as his one bright yellow eye flickers around the den before landing once more on the medicine cat apprentice. “How…” trailing off softly, a crease forming between his brows as he tries to collect his raging thoughts.
“Will I still be able to be a warrior?” He suddenly thought. His eyes widening, if he had the energy he would certainly be pacing about now. The almost warrior wasn’t sure how Hornetstar would handle his apprentice now being blind in one eye, just the thought of all his hard training going down the drain caused his head to spin. Faltering backwards slightly as he got lightheaded, but quickly caught his balance. ‘How am I going to do this? How can I relearn moons of training and basic survival…’ Biting harshly on his cheek, ignoring the metallic taste of his blood on his tongue. At this moment he truly felt alone.April 20, 2020 at 12:58 pm #6155Hareflight [Mel]Participant
Hareflight watched him as he processed her words, brows creased in worry for him. How could he be apologizing to her in a time like this? At the break in his voice, she opened her mouth to say something, anything, but there were no words. How could she comfort him in a situation like this? What could anyone do or say to make him feel any better? There was nothing, so she remained silent, watching him as he continued to process it all. As cold laughter bubbled up again, she leaned forward, already shaking her head as he began to speak.
“This is not a failure on your p-p-part, Roachpaw. Sometimes… Things just.. h-happen, and they are awful, awful things t-that happen to good cats and…” She found herself running out of words to say, so slowly she reached out a paw to rest against his, in the only way she knew how to comfort him. It wasn’t much, and it probably didn’t help at all, but Hareflight didn’t know what else to do. Saplingskies had taught her a lot, but this was something that couldn’t be taught. No, you had to learn this kind of thing all on your own, and it was hard. All Hareflight wanted to do was help him feel better but… putting herself in his paws, she knew that there really wasn’t anyway to make him feel better. He had lost his sight in one eye, for StarClan’s sake, and he needed to come to terms with that in his own time. “Do not b-blame yourself for this. You did all you could, a-and it’s down now, and that’s all the-there is to it.”
Hareflight was trying to track the emotions as they fluttered quickly across his face, but they were too quick, and she didn’t understand what he was thinking. There was so much going on for him right now, Hareflight understood that much, and she couldn’t even try to imagine what it was he was thinking. So, she went silent once more, and listened patiently as he tried to piece together his thoughts. At his question, she ducked her head, wishing desperately he had asked her anything else. Something she could have at least answered. After a few painfully long moments of silence, Hareflight spoke, carefully choosing her words.
“This… i-isn’t going to be something that has to define you. A-and I think that Hornetstar would, w-well, he would be a f-fool to lose a warrior like you j-just because of this.” She paused for a moment, thinking. “I-I don’t know much about- about warrior life, and I i-imagine you might have to… adapt to this new ch-challenge, but I think y-you could do it.” She gazed at him, trying somehow to express how much she believed in him in that moment, then she let out a sigh and ducked her head. “But… it’s n-not really my call. You’ll have to talk to Hornetstar ab-about it. Or- Or, if you want me to, I can, R-Roachpaw.” The medicine cat offered him what she hoped was a reassuring smile, head tilting slightly as she met his gaze.
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